Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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