we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
