I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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