I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
