Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
