whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
