FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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