Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
