Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
