I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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