My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
