My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
