Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
