just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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