im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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