Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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