Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
