This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
