I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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