yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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