he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
