Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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