fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
