Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
