I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
