and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
