So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
