Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
