Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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