Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
