I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
