I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
