You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
