shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize