I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
