The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
