I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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