What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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