My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well most of my day revolves around power hour
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
