i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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