So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
