Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
