Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
