Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never underestimate the power of titties
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