Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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