I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
