In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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