i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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