I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
