$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My cat gives me a boner
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
