Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
