You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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