I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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