the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
