I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
