Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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