A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
