dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
