normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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