its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
