I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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