just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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