the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
