i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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