please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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