I just made out with a guy for $7.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
